Recovery is a card you pull to the deck and cling to, hoping the magician doesn’t make it disappear…
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
This is a total mind-fuck. So I’ll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain and maybe read that again:
Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting
negative experience is a positive experience. It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you. The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there.” —Mark Manson
And somehow what felt like the end of me is what ended up setting me free , these wings are strong and fierce just like the person I used to be 💢
Have you ever felt like the tightrope may actually be a noose like time to fall into life and let go…
I wish a life that tastes like the last line of a poem an utter sense of completeness…..
Say what you like, I’m not ashamed of my walls. My boundaries are my own and purposed for my protection while I’m vulnerable and healing. I’m regrouping. Life can wait. When I’m good and ready ,i will climb them, until then let me be.
Consider for a moment what you call your “personality” is actually just a composite of habits & behavioral patterns you developed to cope with a trauma. Now ask yourself, who am i outside of my pain? Who would i be if i stopped living as a product of my story?
What if puppet is you & you are the puppeteer too.What if the string you are pulling is the one that is making you dance.
What would happen to the puppet if the puppeteer left it behind and went in the search of something that he could never find?And what would happen to the puppeteer if he came back and could never find the puppet he left behind?
Self acceptance doesn’t mean we accept who we are when we’ve bargained ourselves against others. Self-worth isn’t a bargaining chip. Its value comes from what we learn to grow in ourselves. In competition with our own selves. It’s realizing your pieces are unique to how you carry on throughout life and that most importantly, it is not about winning or losing against anyone. Or being better or worse than someone at something. It’s about being. And that’s enough. Because being enough isn’t measured in how enough we are for others, but how enough we are for ourselves. The rest of the journey forward is upto our own striving to be.
being a procrastinator with a violent fear of failure is always hilarious, because like 80% of the time I’m like “I’m not even going to think about this” and then there’s like a distinct moment where everything switches and it turns to “i can’t fail oh my god i need to turn this into an A in like a day. Why am i like this?”